Alice in Wanderland.
This post is not for everyone. It’s important for you to take this back to the Lord and confirm with Him that this is for you. If you do not have a prayer life, there’s no better time to open one up. This should not be the first time you are hearing about this and if it is, take the wisdom and invite Jesus in, to further speak to you about who He is and who you are according to His will. If this is for you it should serve as confirmation or conviction and also give you understanding and clarity. Glory be to God!
Have you ever heard of the white rabbit theory? Most people are familiar with the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland but even deeper theres this analogy that Alice seeing and following the leading of the white rabbit could represent us when curiosity takes hold and we begin to follow something bigger than ourselves. With this theory in mind, the Lord began gracing me with a new level of understanding that I feel led to share. I pray it blesses those who happen upon it. Let those with ears to hear, hear.
Do you remember the first time the Holy Spirit ever reached out to you? I do. About 10 years ago I had a dream and I will never forget it. I had been released from a place of captivity. Once I walked out the door I looked to my left and my right and all I saw were wild animals and people running around everywhere with no direction. I looked up and I saw a white bird. Her name was Gail. She didn’t move her lips but I could hear her talking to me. She said, “Keep your eyes on me and listen to my direction, I will lead you out.” I knew that I could hear her in my thoughts. Then I woke up. At the time I had never read the Bible. I had been in and out of church my whole life, even served in some, but had never really developed a relationship with the Holy Spirit. Had I known more scripture it would have been clear that the Lord was calling me through the wilderness. He quite literally gave me all the information I needed, I just didn’t know my word nor could I discern the tone of His voice. I was a single mom with a three year old daughter, no career, no education and a chip on my shoulder. The Lord was trying to reach me and I believed in Him but I didn’t know Him, I had no intimate relationship with Him and I didn’t understand. I had dreams sprinkled throughout life that I couldn’t forget but this one, this one was the first one I knew I was being spoken to by something bigger than me. Had I known then what I know now I would have consecrated myself wisely and practiced spiritual hygiene but this is why the Lord said in Hosea 4:6, “my people perish due to lack of knowledge.” It wasn’t that I didn’t have the tools, I just didn’t know how to use them. Cue the wandering.
Most of the world around you is a distraction. Truly. Just like Alice intended to follow the white rabbit, we all intend to be led by the Holy Spirit. Realistically, we get into the wilderness and we get invited to tables of mad hatters and tormented by chershire cats that cause us to nearly lose our heads. The truth is, the Holy Spirit isn’t the only spirit in the wilderness and very rarely are our ears tuned to wisdom when we first walk into it. Personally, I walked in wounded, I was so hell bent on proving myself and being “independent” that I decided to build a life all my own and I did. I was lukewarm and surrounded by people who knew just how to feed my flesh and I fed theirs in return. No direction, no prayer life, no repentance. I went to church in waves, never read my Bible and I can try to spin it anyway I want to but it doesn’t matter, I was going nowhere with no plan and no clue in the world what I was doing. I worked a bunch of low paying jobs and took on way too many responsibilities that weren’t mine to take. I genuinely thought that because I believed in Jesus, raised my hand in church, said a prayer and got water baptized that I was led by the Holy Spirit and that’s honestly a lie of the enemy. You can believe in Jesus and not be led by the Holy Spirit. You can be a sheep that wanders away from the flock and needs to be brought back. You aren’t just suddenly perfected in Christ when you believe He died on the cross. Not everyone who believes in Jesus carries the revelation of Christ. There is actually a process that you go through and you do have to submit to a Lord that is greater than you. There is effort required. This isn’t about salvation it’s about the life you live after.
Now Jesus paid the price on the cross so we aren’t recieving the sentence we deserve but still, theres a responsibility to take the life that was given to us and live it to the fullest. Not the fullest by our flesh, though. The fullest by His Spirit. Intimacy is developed through getting to know someone truly and from the time I had that dream of the white bird until about 5 years ago I made no intentional effort to get to know the One who knew everything about me. It was about 5 years of me just receiving love and being protected behind the scenes without ever really even acknowledging the presence of the God that kept me. I had strayed but He never let me go too far. He let me explore and saved me from myself. I had countless desires that he let me taste and years later I sit in gratitude that He kept me from receiving things I once begged for. That entire time I was striving trying to do everything I could to prevent failure, prove I was right, or be validated by man. Even subconsciously by my wounded nature — I was really just being a rebellious clay in the hands of the potter. I was refusing to be shaped by the one who was building me when I was made to surrender, flow and rest in His presence. That was truly the most humbling revelation I had. That’s 5 years of time I spent floating through illusions. The journey to the promised land was supposed to take 11 days for the Israelites yet it took 40 years because they did not know the One who had brought them out of Egypt to begin with. They backslid, rebelled, and wandered at different times and the outcome of each of those seasons was a deeper revelation of the character of God. In it, faith was built. God still used it.
Alice never meant to lose sight of the white rabbit. She had no idea what she was going through; she ate things other people gave her, got smoked out by a giant caterpillar, she was innocent, naive. She didn’t know. She wasn’t worried about consequences because she didn’t think there would be any real ones. “It’s only a dream.” Each experience she found herself in she’d caught sight of the rabbit again and whether it was easy or difficult she left the place she was and continued on her journey. Distractions. Delays. Deception. What looked fun really was a bunch of experiences that got her lost in the wilderness again and again. The voice of the Lord isn’t the only voice in the wilderness. When Jesus went in to the wilderness satan followed him around offering him tempting things. He didn’t offer him garbage he offered him food when he was fasting, he tried to trick him into disrespecting God by manipulating Gods word, and he took him to a very high mountain showing him all kinds of kingdoms and splendor of the world, offering him all of it in exchange for worship. (Matthew 4:1-11) He didn’t stand in front of Jesus and say, “Hey, I am satan and I am about to test you in all of these things to try to get you to turn away from God and distract you from your purpose.” He just did it. We are not Jesus following the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. We are more like Alice following the rabbit. It would be wild to think that everyone but ourselves will be tempted in this way. It would be prideful to believe that you wont have to reject things that look good but don’t carry the breath of God in it.
5 years of wandering is a long time to spend and most of the people I know have a complete mental breakdown when they think of the concept of time so it can’t end here. There is more to the story. About 5 years ago I finally SUBMITTED to God. I had heard Him clearly a few times but hadn’t pursued an intimate relationship with Him so I couldn’t understand His voice even though I could hear it. I knew I was being called but I had to learn how to answer it. That white rabbit showed up and everything around me started to break down again. I remember dropping to my knees screaming to the Lord, “I DON’T UNDERSTAND! HELP ME UNDERSTAND!” And that was it. It took me that long to finally start asking the right questions. I didn’t just go from ignorant to wise, it took time. I started to have things change around me. I went through an exodus of sorts. The things that once satisfied me no longer did, I started to learn what real love was and be healed of childhood wounds. The Lord opened my eyes to where He was in every part of my life, past and present. I learned what apostasy is, got into the secret place, met people that could see me, surrendered to being set apart, overcame the battle of the mind, trained my spirit to be disciplined in action and started to walk in the anointing I received in the crushing. I couldn’t have done it from anywhere other than at His feet. None of it exalted me or fed my ego. It was a breaking. There was immense amounts of grace. I was trained and chastised. It wasn’t all happy go lucky, but it was necessary to develop the fruit of the Spirit. Even then, I made mistakes just as anyone learning new skills for new positions and new purposes. It brought deeper revelation to what forgiveness is. The world is so wounded— many people hold grudges against ignorance but Jesus walked me through it and it was all part of losing the desire to be desired by man and gaining the approval of God. I have seen God move and He has given me His heart. I have watched promises come to pass. I can hear Him clearly and have a deep respect for Him as Lord, Father, best friend and lover. What I once took for granted I now hold dear. The enemy tried to discourage me in the seasons of discipline and correction but the truth is the Lord disciplines those He loves. It wasn’t punishment it was purification. It happened in layers.
You see, it didnt matter how many years I wandered. It didn’t matter what distractions I had fallen into. All that mattered was that I came in from wandering. He reveals truth and when we submit to that truth He offers us an exit strategy. Emotional attachments, soul ties and ungodly spiritual agreements will be broken on the way out. Altars have to fall. We can’t be ignorant forever and expect to live out the fullness of the promises here on this earth. God is the same God today, yesterday and tomorrow which means He is still the God that restores everything He sees fit. That includes time. 5 years doesn’t hurt me to say but some of you read it and you feel uncomfortable. Some people hear how long something could take and they get scared or feel like it’s too late and that’s probably true if you’re relying on your own strength. We have a God that restores the years that were stolen just like He restores the identities, relationships, and purposes. Time isn’t something that has power over God. You have to know that. He gives us a spirit to endure. Long-suffering is a part of the fruit of the spirit, you can’t just have everything else but that.
So what’s the point in all of this? First of all, to remind you the importance of submitting to truth. No matter what, the truth is still the truth and my feelings nor my opinions can change that so part of walking in truth is having no unrepentant sin and so, if you find yourself wandering I invite you to reflect, confess, repent and regroup. You come in from wandering and He is here with open arms, you aren’t going to be shooed away. “I wandered from the path that you had made straight for me, thank you God for your grace and mercy. Help me stay on the right path and be led by your Holy Spirit not the flesh.” He will wash your feet or send someone to do it for you. That’s the beauty in it. His love is indescribable. Be open to it.
I’m going to finish this with a Bible Study deep dive that will help you gain understanding and a bit of “coaching” that might offend you if you aren’t ready. Everything that is written here can be applied to wandering regarding ANY call or path that the Lord has chosen you for but here shortly I am going to zoom in to a specific scenario that the Lord has revealed and I want to make sure I say it again: this may not be for you. Everything that I am sharing are things that were shared with me personally and in the secret place for the purpose of sharing in the way I was called to share and the ability to receive and understand it lies in the hands of God. If you lack knowledge of the prophetic realm, I encourage you to seek mentorship and guidance through training in it before you take things and run with them. God does not promise comfort, He promises peace. Know the difference between when your flesh is receiving something, or rejecting it as opposed to when your spirit is recognizing something and calling you to seek deeper. Honestly, I wish I would have had this before I said yes to the call on my life. Not because I would have changed my decision but because I would have been better equipped. Don’t thank me, thank the Lord that sent me. Let’s get into it.
This isn’t going to be a study about wandering nor is it going to be justification for the behavior. I don’t think there is an excuse worth pulling out, only gratitude for the cross because the blood that was shed was the price that was paid and now that the Holy Spirit has got you back on track, if you’re a wanderer, I don’t think you need any more comfort than that. When it was me, I needed truth and I needed strategy. I needed something that would help me understand what this walk really looks like so that I wouldn’t be as easily distracted or led astray again. I needed something that would pull my head out of my butt and get me to grow up. So, I will give you what the Lord gave me and exactly how He gave it to me and I’ll even include the entire scripture so that if your wandering has you exhausted, you can rest here for a moment. If you are still here and reading because you are inspired by the Holy Spirit specifically then I don’t want to hear “Ariel is too harsh, she is not nice” sometimes God calls for someone to train up and equip His children and guess what, just like the physical training process, it can be uncomfortable but the reward comes in time when you see the transformation.
Luke 14:25-35 — The Cost of Following Jesus. : “Now great crowds were traveling with him. So he turned and said to them, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, and even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.
“For which of you, wanting to build a tower, doesn’t first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, after he has laid the foundation and cannot finish it, all the onlookers will begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man started to build and wasn’t able to finish.’
“Or what king, going to war against another king, will not first sit down and decide if he is able with ten thousand to oppose the one who comes against him with twenty thousand? If not, while the other is still far off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. In the same way, therefore, every one of you who does not renounce all his possessions cannot be my disciple.
“Now, salt is good, but if salt should lose its taste, how will it be made salty? It isn’t fit for the soil or for the manure pile; they throw it out. Let anyone who has ears to hear listen.”
Here’s the tough love. Did you count the cost before you started the walk or did you just say yes because you thought it was going to make you feel good? Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves thinking our YES meant a fast track to “getting our way” or my favorites, “happiness and prosperity.” Was there confusion about the things that you would have to stand against? This walk isn’t a feel good walk all of the time. It requires decisions to be made. Look around you, the friendships, relationships, jobs, lifestyles, habits, luxury, all of it. If He asked for it would you give it up? Would you trust Him to have something better waiting for you? Do you have enough faith to take the leap? The tower doesn’t build itself over night it gets laid brick by brick. Nobody said it was easy. Are you holding tight to the traditions of your families? Did you really, truly get into the secret place and seek the narrow path ? Yeah, some of the things you have to move through are going to be tough. It doesn’t have to be harder than it’s meant to be. You don’t have to go in blind.
What is being cultivated in you carries OIL. You are receiving the power of the living God that can be moved through you and poured out into this world wisely; of course that’s going to come with warfare. Don’t run when it gets hard. Get lower. Run to Jesus and break at His feet but don’t you dare be the one didn’t sit at the table and prepare for the warfare. You are not going to give up. The goal is not just to be what God called you to be but it is to serve the purpose of the position you were called to which requires preparation, discipline and training. This isn’t to be mistaken for perfection because grace covers ignorance and love covers a multitude of sin. There is no rush. You go through a process and you can’t skip it. Surrender to it. Matthew 24:13 says, “But the one who endures to the end will be saved.” So what’s it gonna be, huh? It’s time to get serious about your seeking. Salt without flavor is useless.
So to the watchman, did you surrender to your training so you would know how to watch over your bloodline? To the gatekeeper, have you applied the proper boundaries to protect the environment you’ve been called to cover? To the one interceding on behalf of a wicked or rebellious loved one, have you studied what it means to stand in the gap? To the Kingdom business owner, did you get in the word about how to cover and delegate in a way that honors God? Or be rinsed of greed that would have you looking at what you’re building as a funnel for finances instead of a Kingdom pathway to elevation for those you’re called to serve? To the teacher, did you go through the process of learning how to separate what you’ve been called to teach by the leading of the Holy Spirit from what people want to learn about because it’s ”viral”? Influencers, did you count the cost of intentionally guiding children of God? Wives, Husbands, do you know what it means to truly submit in obedience to God versus fighting for the fleshly validation the world tries to sell to you? The training process in the physical when you get hired on to a position is a mirrored experience in the spirit, a call that requires training, commissioning, an onboarding process. It’s a season of being a newbie then growing into maturity. Your flesh will challenge it, it will feel uncomfortable because it is new. Your body has to get regulated to the new the same way that your mind does. It’s not going to be familiar. Settling into a position you are comfortable in leaves no room for expanding into generational wealth and progress. Don’t shrink.
Lastly, I’m giving you a series of dreams that were given to me. It might not make sense to you at all. You might not hear a single bit of clarity in it and that’s okay because it doesn’t have to make sense to everyone but for the one’s it is for they will hear. They apply to this topic but zoomed in. Do not take it if it isn’t for you. If the Lord leads you to mentorship or further guidance my schedule is open for bookings, let Him lead.
I remember there being a store and two girls were in there shopping together. They had each just taken showers. One found this quilt type blanket to cover her bed and the other wanted one to match but there was only medium ones in the store. One girl needed a large one because she had a king bed and the other had a queen so she could get hers in store and the king bed girl didn’t want to order it and have it shipped to her house she didn’t want to have to wait for the right size so she just got the medium one it was like the people she was around had influenced her to do it but in her mind she knew that she was going to need a bigger one and she got home and hers didn’t fit. It was disappointing but she still used the blanket but not as a comforter. It was like settling for a smaller comforter because of the lack of patience and the influence of the people she was around. She was influenced by someone in the moment. She had compromised for something less than what she needed when had she been willing to wait she would have gotten it shipped right to her front door.
I remember the same girl who was easily influenced went to some sort of school and it was about to start and she put on a one piece bathing suit and went to float in the river and she had that comforter with her. She was just floating in this circular river it felt like a lazy river but not from a waterpark it was like a natural one. She got out and wrapped herself in the comforter and she started walking and a guy that was like a childhood friend was walking nearby. He asked her if she was swimming in the river with her comforter and she said no she had used it to dry off. She was trying to walk home but she ended up getting into the river again and when she did she realized she would have to go all the way around to be able to get back to the path home so she got out, grabbed the comforter again and started walking on the land back toward the beginning of the path. She tried to climb over fences to get a shortcut but it was blocked off she ended up trespassing on other people’s property on accident and the people saw her but forgave her quickly because they could tell she was just trying to find the path home. Specifically she had trespassed against the groundskeeper. I could feel the concern she was a little upset with herself with making her walk longer than it had to be but she had to make the walk back toward the path and she couldn’t do anything to change what was already done.
I remember there was a young woman being spoken too and called to get information about intercession and told to sit down and really consider and think about what she would need to do. She would have to really read a book and gain knowledge and wisdom about the call. She needed to know that it’s possible but it would take dedication and devotion. Her partner was not of sober mind and near death, it was like he was being kicked out and she was going to have to make some decisions about how she was going to respond to his behavior. She was being taken to a higher ground to get deeper into studying. It was her choice whether or not she was going to step in and intercede, or let it fall apart.
I have linked the “Your Guide to Standing in the Gap” Training bundle to this post, it comes with a live recorded teaching, ebook with guided bible study prompts, focused scripture to meditate on, a prayer strategy breakdown and a PowerPoint that breaks down the process and offers wisdom to apply if this is your walk. Glory be to God for His precision.
It’s been an honor and a privilege to grow in the Lord and I pray that if you are reading this, you are encouraged. You aren’t alone. Welcome back, wanderer.
Keep going.
As always, love you
Ariel
